i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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