break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
