at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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