so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
