It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
