end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
