She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Operation Purity has been aborted
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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