I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
