ugly people sure do ruin things
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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