apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
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Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
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Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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