I smell stomach acid.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
