just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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