She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
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i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
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So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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