Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
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