YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
