I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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