I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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