..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Four minutes until I can fart!
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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