woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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