marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
