I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
