so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
