Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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