I'm eating all of the evidence.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
