If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Randomize
