I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
