theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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