I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
