omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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