I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Oh god it's open bar.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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