would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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