watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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