So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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