god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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