I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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