So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
