At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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