My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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