How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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