Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
They are going to name an STD after you.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
