Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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