I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize