My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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