Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?

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(774): View more from Massachusetts

I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.

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(619): View more from California

You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.

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(440): View more from Ohio

he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.

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(720): View more from Colorado

My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?

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(516): View more from New York

Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"

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(253): View more from Washington

I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.

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(805): View more from California

Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...

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(606): View more from Kentucky

If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy

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