I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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