Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.