dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
