ooooooooooooo i'm drink
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
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I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
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I will pee on everything he values.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick