nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.