Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.