i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
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Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.