I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.