My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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