i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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