my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Btw I puked in your glovebox
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize