We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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