I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
