I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
