i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Randomize
