She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
