that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
