Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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